Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize