Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
