Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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