Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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