I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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