Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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