We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
