Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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