You're my little dorito
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
