I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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