I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
