I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
