My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
