Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize