2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
