:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
