help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize