i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
zippers are such a cool invention
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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