Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
