i would punch a child for taco bell
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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