So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
