hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
