I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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