i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize