I understand Curling. That high.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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