Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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