i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
