Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
