i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
