Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
