Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
