She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
