He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
