just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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