About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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