Sponge bath it is.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
