yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
