I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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