Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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