Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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