my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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