I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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