1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
