when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
