We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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