And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
