oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
