If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
