Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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