If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
