So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
