he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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