We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
