She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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