so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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