so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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