One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
