This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize