we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
