I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize