I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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