dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
