So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
honey bunches of taint.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
