My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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