Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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