Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize