If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
