I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she told me i tasted like america
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
