I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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